White Mice for Breakfast

"O mischief, thou art swift to enter in the thoughts of desperate men!"

Easy as a Piece of Cake March 9, 2010

Filed under: Savoury Delicacies — theotherhand @ 11:24 am
Tags: , , , , , , ,

This week,  I’m afraid I have been terribly:

+   =  

Yes that’s right, dear chitterlings. This week, I, along with several esteemed colleagues, have been rather preoccuPIEd. It began early last week, when, quite simultaneously, we all fell about ourselves over a Piemaker! Can you imagine our mutual chagrin when we discovered ourselves attempting to squeeze through the door of his quaint eatery ‘The Pie Hole’ at the very same time? Quelle Catastrophe! Miss Pamela, the first to have lain eyes on him, forgot all her virtue and began threatening to use her demure hair ribbon as a garotte! Geraldine, meanwhile, joined the fray by brandishing a weighty volume from her bag, suggesting a good pummeling. Not wanting to disarray the elaborate cornucopia I had balanced in my curls, I stepped back from the ruckus, and with the aid of a handy soda dispenser, quelled the warm spirits all round. Once we had all dried off, and were sat most peaceably in a booth with large malts, the following truce was agreed upon:

To LEAVE the most delectable pie-maker (who is, in any case, a work of fiction) to his travail, and revel in our own expertise by the creation of a CELEBRATORY PIE.

Ah, dear crumpetines, this is indeed Esther’s Advice to dispel strife and care on all occasions. The next time you are worn with grief and dismay, and are sitting on the floor surrounded by wrappings, sobbing and cramming cream buns into your mouth, raise yourself up, brush off that icing sugar, and shout gaudiloquently:


If you are fortunate, and pray to St. Escoffier, your pie may even look a smidgeon like this:

(DELICIOUS FOOD DISCLAIMER: RETREAT A SAFE DISTANCE FROM KEYBOARD TO PREVENT DROOL DAMAGE. Esther Crumpet will be in no way held responsible for salivation based malfunctions.)

Delectable goats' cheese, spinach, pine nut and shallot, puff pastry PIE.

Of course, sweet readers, those will the skills of Esther Crumpet are few and far between, so YOURS may not look quite so glorious. It is of no matter, the important lesson learned is that you have CREATED a dish of which to be proud and SAVOUR, rather than weeping in a buttery mess into your empty packet of prozac.

Until next time, pikelets!

Esther xxx


3 Responses to “Easy as a Piece of Cake”

  1. Ms. Geraldine Punnington Says:

    Esteemed Esther,

    my comment today shall be brief, for I feel you do the matter great justice as it is. I too, am greatly relieved that the pie-hatchett has been buried in tripartite delectation, deep within the satisfaction of our respective stomachs. I would, however, like to note that you omit to mention that the tome with which I attempted the defense of my personal suit of the pie-maker (a moment of heated emotion for which I now sincerely apologise) was, rather aptly, a calculation of π, to thirtyfourbillion digits (hence the tome’s considerable length and weight). Being mathematically inclined, I feel an attempt at the precise calculation of this irrational number is frequently of use, as was proved in this moment of my own irrationality. Moreover, I cannot shake the sense that the impossibility of completing the definition of π daily teaches us an invaluable lesson: no matter how much of it you succeed in delecting, you will always be left PIEning for more.

    Yours PIEously,


  2. dolores dessert Says:

    How pieful of you to start this pieblog Esther! twill be a favourite with piebald horses on whose account I am now writing. In fact all thing piebald wish to extend the pied of amities to all EC fans.
    Have you considered piedmontese truffle pies as an addition to your already extensive cornucopia of perfect pies?

  3. Mrs P. Says:

    Why my dear Freind I dash this off in the greatest of Hurries for I fear my Sparkle-Essay shall otherwise reflect unfavourably ‘pon my Academic VARTUE – however I must Thank you most Avidly & with the Tenderest affections of Freindship for this delectable Mess – and the Sum of several Pounds Sterling shall of course be yours to acquit myself of the Debt I own yr Honourable Self for purchasing Ingredients for this most Wond’rous PIE – and in short I must Dash, heavenly Chef, for I feel the Lecherous Hand of PROCRASTINATION nearing my innocent BOSOMS

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